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Hi! I am Marilyn, a singer/songwriter in Hudson, NY. You have landed on my personal website/ blog/ calendar, and you will find here all kinds of things about my musical life. Look around! My blog is below, but over in the right column under 'Pages', you can see links to videos, show schedules, song lists and the other musical projects I am working on. I really hope you will consider getting to a show or even have me (and my friends) come and entertain you at your party or event. People enjoy having us play for them!

When the music calls, I will be there....

Sunday, December 12, 2010

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR ART


I wrote this, this morning, discussing a sticker on my fridge that a wonderful musician, Betsi Krisniski, took a picture of and posted on Facebook....I want to record that discussion here because FB only keeps things just so long....and I like the story....

There is a story about that sticker that you may be interested in......

Every year in October, I go to California and play Neil Young Songs with a bunch of people from all over the world. Part of that week is an 'open mic' type set up at a bar that Neil once had some shows in to warm up for a concert (so, you know, you get to stand on the same stage as your hero did once, sort of thing.....).

This particular year, several years ago, the woman who would be harmonizing had laryngitis, so I quickly recruited another. Also, the drummer had not practiced with me since the year before (He used to live in Boston and play with me often, but then moved to CA, so this is the ONLY time every year I get to play with him).....well!!!

I am extremely stage shy, and those nerves will ALSO ensure mistakes that I never made in practice.....LOL....

Well, we played a few songs ok, and got to a tune called 'White Line'....now i don't know what got into the drummer, but he took off like he had DONE a couple lines (no, don't worry, NONE of us do that sort of thing, i am just making a joke) and i didn't have the confidence to stop and start over......and for the whole song, i could not find my guitar part, the vocals, remember the words (so i made up my own....remember, i am singing to a group of 200 people who all know every word to every song that neil has ever done!!!), NOTHING!!!!

TRAIN WRECK!!!!!

Needless to say, I finished my set out, got off the stage, and wanted to run away, but did not (i did bite the heads off my friends who told me what a good job i did....'hey, say that now, and i won't believe you when you mean it!'....i was terrible)

the next day we went shopping at a really cool store (betsi and abby, the throw on the couch you were on is also from that store) and i was still feeling miserable....you know.....i am no good at this, i am too old for this, why do i even try,.....felt embarrassed and stupid and you name it.....and of course, everyone is going back and forth between trying to console me and distract me, because i am so disgusted with myself that they just can't win.

then the woman who was singing harmony on stage with me for the fill in, found that saying on a button and she bought it and gave it to me as we left the store. When i read it, the light came on in my head, and i realized it was all part of 'the process'. I was so appreciative that she lifted that cloud from me in one simple little act that i shed some tears and will always have a very special place for her in my heart.

Then, last christmas, the woman who had the laryngitis found the sticker, above, and gave it to me.


I keep it there on the fridge so I can remember.....Art is human, and human is not perfect, and i don't need to apologize for being human....

 i think now that restarts at the very beginning of a song, when it is not feeling together is perfectly alright!!! LOL....but when i am in the middle of song, always end it with respect, as a flawed but human piece....LOL!!!! I try to see the song, any song, as it's OWN thing, not MY thing....that is taking ITS own form through me, not BECAUSE of me.....don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, but, there it is.....that helps me keep the focus on helping the song present itself, and not focus on MY presentation of the song....Keeps the ME out of the way....

.for what it is worth....

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