I found this piece that I wrote last summer, while trying to find peace....feeling that what I doing musically was not worthy of shit, but having some real kindness shown to me by some very talented people on one hand and on the other, being looked up to by some other folks as their inspiration to make music. So this is what I wrote....
It is good to 'know my place'- to recognize those before me in honor and help along those behind me in joy. It is a journey we are all on, us musicians.... and where we meet and mingle and create, we call out the magic together.
Together, and each in our place. There is honor and no shame in every station on the road. This is the miracle of creating music.
I had a hard time at the open mic this past week. I couldn't find the connection to the music or to the audience or to myself. It wasn't coming together at home, either, before I left. Just couldn't connect. So, I stopped playing and got down. Couldn't remember chords or words to songs I can play in my sleep...what is UP with that??? How can the fear just take it all away from me? And why can't I judge what I am doing, and see it the way the audience sees it? How come there are times that I think my vocal tone and my guitar playing are spot on, but I get all the favorable comments about the song I felt was a throw away?
Performing is just such an odd experience....